This is my first attempt to write tanka so, please, don't be to harsh on me with comments :)
noisy jay | triukšmingas kėkštas |
Tai pirmas mano bandymas parašyti tanka, todėl prašau nebūkit per žiaurūs su komentarais :)
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7 comments:
i think this is beautiful, but that is just the sensory perception, not a critique of your technique. i'll leave that to the experts!
& i am late to your haiku gave, but hope to participate if you do it again!
Lithunian version is 5-7-5-7-7 ?
But this is, yes, a waka (tanka):
first three lines, followed by two more lines, apparently from a different story, but here in one heap of lines! And the reader rummages the words and because of a jay, it's obvious that you must go and visit your mamai!
Clear :-?
love this train of thought
thank you
qualcosa di bello: your sensory perception is just fine for me, thanks for commenting and you are surely in the game, it's never too late
Andrew: thanks, your opinion is really valued here
Tikkis: you are so right, and yes, in Lithuanian we do not have difficulties to fit in 5-7-5-7-7, but it could be difficult in English
floots: welcome on the train, I'm glad you like it
In Finnish it's also easier to get 5-7-5 or waka's 5-7-5-7-7,
but now I think it is not so "important". I am making those, if the "language" sounds good enough, but I am allowing also in my short poems different syllables...
We made a translation from Ogura Hyakunin Isshu into Finnish, and it is, yes, 5-7-5-7-7. I have also my own version of that collection in my own pages, but that language is something speaking here in Turku-area. Not an 'official' Finnish, you know.
http://www.saunalahti.fi/~juhatik/ogura
and the first poem in http://www.saunalahti.fi/~juhatik/ogura/1.htm etc
On Thursday I'm visiting Pori, they got brand new organs, and today Kalevi Kiviniemi gives an organ recital or concert! It's a MUST!
well, i think you have done a wonderful job :)
Thanks Polona, for your nice words
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