On the way back from a travel agency I drop by the tiny old cemetery near my house. Warm looking sunshine breaks through bare maple trees and looks so inviting that I can not resist a little walk. It is very quiet in here. I almost can hear whispers calling long faded names. Memories carry me away for a while. Few fallen leaves rustle disturbed by a light gust. Suddenly, a black shadow over my head gives me goose bumps.
raven croaks
above the bare trees –
herald of death
quiet again
fixed-date ticket
in my bag
Grįždamas iš kelionių agentūros stabteliu prie senų kapinaičių netoli namų. Pro belapes klevų šakas prasimušantys saulės spinduliai tokie kviečiantys, kad nesusilaikau ir užsuku trumpam pasivaikščiojimui. Čia labai tylu. Atrodo, kad beveik girdžiu pašnibždomis skaitomus seniai išblukusius vardus. Nejučiomis užsimirštu prisiminimuose. Lengvas gūsis sušnara kritusiuose lapuose. Staiga pašiurpstu juodam šešėliui nusklendus virš galvos.
krankteli varnas
aukštai virš nuogų medžių –
mirties pranašas
širdis vėl rami
mano krepšy - bilietas
fiksuota data
18 comments:
Don't worry! It's all fixed!:)The Life's Travel Agency Bulletin:)
You've got it right, Borut, as always :)
that's a beautiful haibun. it takes me right there and i shiver at the sound of the raven
i love to explore old cemeteries, but that experience gave me the chills. i wrote a poem about an abandoned cemetery where several of my great-aunts & uncles remain buried (too poor to move to the new cemetery at the turn of the last century). i could feel the heaviness of my great-grandmother as she had to bury 4 babies in the space of one week.
Your haibun is excellent, Ricardas...bravo!
S
I love the
"fixed-date" ticket
Be careful, fixed-date ticket is not a secure defence from a raven....
This one is really frightful...It reminds me autumn, not winter which should be white and a bit more optimistic. But still, a nice one.
well done!
i think you don`t need line three (first haiku), the symbolism (raven, herald of death) is common knowledge -- my suggestion: drop the first haiku (just use a sentence: A raven croaks...), i suppose that then the second haiku (quiet again) would have more poetic power
best wishes,
Angelika
(Glad I got here. I almost clicked on "Find Sexy Girls" by mistake.)
Very good haibun. The juxtaposition of the two ku is most effective.
Fabulous! Great work with this haibun. You totally took me to the cemetery. It gives me goosebumps, nice to know you've got a ticket home.
Ricardas,
This was lovely. Although I have always been afraid of Ravens. I am not sure why. Maybe it is because of their size.
Thank you for sharing this.
T
how many sleepless nights
obscure fantasies
destroyed human hearts
lost opportunities
how many flights to take
how many hours to lose
before you realise
it's only a delusion
I 'll take it as a game
somehow it sounds amusing
I'll die before you're born
and take
while you're still choosing
Polona, Sandy, John, Mandy, Tara, thanks for your nice comments and I'm glad you liked it.
qualcosa di bello, old cemeteries are indeed great to explore and to remember
capricorne, it's more like assurance that the raven can not croak me down before the date fixed
Angelika, thanks for the advise, I agree it could sound better in many other ways but I'll keep it like it is this time
Bill, I'm sure you clicked 'back' and checked on those sexy girls anyway, but I'm glad you found your way to my blog first :)
Uspace, goosebumps were in my plans :) b.t.w. it's a ticket out of the home (to Costa Rica)
Lekha, great poem and it fits well to the topic, thanks for sharing
Cool, great! Have an excellent trip, be careful and have fun!
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
never go anywhere
.
This is a wonderful haibun!!
"raven croaks
above the bare trees –
herald of death"
This is perfect...
This is sensuous and quite lovely.
Someone told me once
that the raven
is the ancient symbol of 'magic'.
May there be magic for you this day,
and peace,
Maithri
Brother Crow sings out
Stories of all that he sees
Listen intently
Andrew, Maithri thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
I&S I will listen :). Thanks for visiting
Post a Comment